Korea, P.S. I love you

I'm in an extended love affair with the people of Korea.
I've experienced unbelievable levels of kindness in this country. Not being in a constant state of depression and vile hatred for another (pseudo) human being has allowed me to really see and experience this home so far away. The Korean people have shown me unbelievable and unceasing generosity and benevolence. It's a beautiful new sort of awakening.
Last year there were glimpses of this deeply needed grace bestowed upon me in many unlikely places; at the bus stop, at an outdoor food vendor, in a simple "annyonghaseyo" on the street. Perhaps it was around me more than I knew, but I was unable to get passed the fog my mind and eyes were in. It's amazing how one thing can change your perception of your entire reality.
I've had so many positive experiences with people in Korea. I've crossed some paths with truly beautiful people. While I was at the bus station, I met a young woman who was studying English at a local university and she saw that I was obviously a foreigner and she gave me a huge smile and asked where I was from. That happens frequently, people will approach me to strike up a conversation to practice their English. She was so sweet and asked me many questions about myself and what I was doing in Korea and what I thought of my experience so far. She apologized for her poor English skills. I told her her English was fantastic and to not get discouraged.
She was waiting for a bus to Seoul and the bus had arrived, but I still had about 30 more minutes before my bus arrived. I had noticed that she had made a stop at the vending machine before she came over to talk to me. As she was getting on her bus she handed me a can of aloe juice. I'm almost positive that wasn't originally meant for me, but she insisted I take it. I felt bad about taking her bus-time drink, but she was adament about giving me a gift as a thank you for talking to her and being patient with her English skills. I thanked her and she turned back from the bus steps, gave me a wave and smile goodbye.
While I was waiting for another bus to some other random location one of the bus drivers had some time between his routes and he decided to chat with me. He asked the standard questions: Where are you from? How long have you been here? What do you do? Do you like Korea? And he bought me some tea and sat with me while I waited for my bus. Then when my bus did finally arrive he talked to the bus driver and both bus drivers put my luggage in the storage area under the bus for me and made sure I got to my correct seat on the bus. Then the man waved goodbye and wished me a safe journey.
I don't think South Korea is the only place where there are kind people willing to help others, but I'm convinced there is a concentration of kind people in this country. I have stories of being elbowed by ajummas, but despite all the crappy things I've seen and experienced here, it still blows me away that there is so much kindness here, too.
I get constant invitations for dinners, lunches and rides to various places. If I need help with anything, I know help is just a phonecall away. It's like everyone (well, not everyone) is a freaking ambassador for the country. It's insane.
I feel blessed to cross paths with so many beautiful people and I'm so lucky to still be here.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Ahhhhhhh, it's the start of a new year, a new beginning! Happy 2011, everyone!

I'm very much looking forward to this fresh, shiny, new year. It's going to be fabulous!!

Last year was a little bumpy, a wee bit rough. I think it was that way for many people though.

This year is the year of the rabbit. Those born in the year of the rabbit are said to be creative, compassionate and sensitive. Rabbits are friendly, outgoing and prefer the company of others. Although I was not born in the year of the rabbit, I was born in the year of the rooster, I'm hoping to possess some of the rabbit's qualities in the coming year.

I'm ready for all that 2011 will bring me and I hope to walk through this next year with a clarity of mind and an openness that will allow me to learn much and gather all the knowledge and experience I can from the Korean culture and people I cross paths with.

I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish during my stay in Korea. Although I didn't quite check off the entire list by the end of my first year, I'm hoping to figure a few more things out by the end of my stay here in the Land of the Morning Calm.

I'm looking forward to what 2011 has in store for me and those I'm lucky to have in my life.

Happy New Year!

Shopping in Korea: A Contact Sport

I hate, HATE, H-A-T-E shopping in Korea. It's most definitely an exercise in futility and I usually end up giving up before I actually get what I need.

In shopping for clothing, there is the most blatant concept of nothing fitting me. I can usually find shirts, but I don't even try to find pants or bottoms of any kind that will fit my extra-long length. I'm 5'11" or 180 cm; I'm much taller than most Korean women. I pretty much don't shop for clothing in this country.

There is also the joy of grocery shopping in Korea. When I lived in Dangjin, I despised when I would run out of necessary foods and I would try to piece together a meal with whatever I had left in my apartment, because I just did not want to deal with the circus of being a foreigner shopping for food.

The grocery store I would frequent in Dangjin was pretty large, but I was still stared at and followed. I wish I could say I'm used to being stared at by now considering I've been in Korea for over a year, but I'm not. I wish that was different, but I'm still not comfortable with being stared at. It doesn't bother me when children stare at me, but when full-grown adults stare at me I want to smack the teeth out of their head.

I usually try to ignore it, but as of late I just stare back and most of them feel uncomfortable and awkwardly look away until they think I'm not staring at them anymore. Then when they think it's safe to stare at me again they look back at me and realize I'm still staring at them. This continues for quite awhile. It's been a fun little game for me, especially on the bus. I often wonder if the people who've been staring at me and hurriedly exit the bus are getting off at their actual stop or are just trying to get away from me because I won't stop staring at them. I'd like to think I've cured them from staring at other foreigners they encounter. It's wishful thinking, I know, but I'd like to think I've made a difference.

When I would be shopping in Dangjin, the store clerks would follow me around the store. They would pretend to straighten the shelves, but interestingly enough the only products that needed straightening were those that were closest to me. Coincidence? I wasn't sure if they thought I was going to try to steal something because I was a shady foreigner or if they were trying to be super duper helpful. Also, when I would be in the store for a few minutes I would notice the music on the store's loud speakers would change to English music. I even heard Michael Franti a couple times! I can't imagine they would play English-language music just for one foreigner, but I did notice the change quite a few times. I really appreciated hearing Michael Franti , or another American musician I knew, but it definitely wasn't necessary.

I was told from a friend about a foreign teacher that came to the Dangjin area a few years ago, she was one of the first foreign English teachers in the area. When she went grocery shopping she would have clerks and shoppers alike follow her around the store and look in her cart to see what she was buying. Within a couple weeks of her arriving in town, she began to notice signs under all the products she normally purchased. She asked her co-teacher what the signs said and she was told the signs said, "The foreigner buys this." She came unglued and threw a fit that there were signs at the grocery store broadcasting what she was buying.

I absolutely hate shopping in department stores. It's the custom in Korea to immediately greet a shopper and latch onto their side and follow them throughout the department. Obviously there is a language barrier, which makes communicating difficult but sales associates continue to follow you around and shove things in your face telling you to buy them. It's really overwhelming to be followed around incessantly and have things shoved in your face repeatedly. I would much rather prefer to be left alone and be allowed to find things on my own. If I need help, I will come to you kind and helpful sales person. It makes shopping a suffocating and claustrophic experience and needless to say, I don't spend much time in Korea shopping.

Skinship

Koreans are very affectionate people.
Obviously the young children hug and hold hands, but adults are very affectionate, too. It reminds me of being on the playground when I was a young girl in elementary school and holding hands with my girlfriends.
At what age does this stop? I don't remember. But in Korea it doesn't really stop. I will walk down the street and see men arm-in-arm or with their arms draped over another's shoulders.
They have a word here, "Skinship." It means the relationship one builds when affection is shown between people. My friends' hogwan directors said "Skinship" is very important in building trusting relationships with children. If a foreign teacher hugs, tickles or strokes a childs hair often, then that child will be more trusting, loving and affectionate in return. It's a very important aspect of Korean culture.
On the flip-side of that is the adversely opposite way Korean men and women view affection between the sexes once they've reached a certain age. I consider myself a very affectionate person, I always hug and touch my friends, both male and female. Koreans see this as a problem. Koreans don't believe men and women can just be friends, there must be a romantic relationship if men and women touch in any way. I have many male friends and I'm constantly asked if the men in my pictures or my male friends in Korea are my boyfriend. I try to explain that in the Western cultures it's very common for men and women to be just friends. This is a concept Koreans don't understand.
I've explained this particular cultural difference until I was blue in the face and it's like communicating with a brick wall. It's just something Korean people can't fathom.
I hugged my male adult students on their last day at the Foreign Language Institute and I could tell that many of them were very uncomfortable with the idea of hugging a female, especially a teacher, but some were much more comfortable with it and gave me bear hugs.
I've seen my adult male students, who are "tough military men," hug, lay their heads on each other's shoulders and otherwise touch often, and then when I talk to Koreans about homosexuality they say the "idea" is something that doesn't occur in Korea. I'm not saying that all men that show affection to each other are gay, but I just find it so interesting that "homosexuality does not exist" in South Korea.
A few of my foreign friends here in Korea are gay and one of the Korean teachers at one of the schools knows one of the foreign teachers is gay. The Korean teacher said he felt so bad for the foreign teacher because "their are no gay people in Korea and he must be so lonely." We made sure to inform the Korean teacher (after we stopped laughing) that this foreign teacher got much more play than most of us in Korea and there are MOST DEFINITELY gay Korean people in Korea. Just because the culture as a whole refuses to acknowledge homosexuality, doesn't mean it doesn't exist and thrive.

Balance

I started my new job in Korea approximately 5 weeks ago and I can't get over how incredibly different my experiences have been the second time around.
I guess one must experience the bad in order to appreciate the good.
My new job rocks. I work with adults who are already pretty good at English, so we just get to chat all day basically. I don't start work until 10:20 a.m. and I have a lunch break for 1 1/2 hours and then sometimes I won't have class again until 3:30 p.m. The schedule changes every 3 months with new students. So sometimes I'll have a 1 1/2-hour lunch break and sometimes I'll have a 3 1/2-hour lunch break. I finish my day at 5:20 p.m. It's flippin' fantastic and a far cry from my schedule at She Devil's House of Hell.
My students, so far, have been pretty amazing, too. They are so entertaining and so incredibly helpful. They always want to hang out, too. My students are always asking me if I want to go to dinner with them or go the gym together. They are quite fantastic actually.
I live on base, but my apartment is huge and I have many amenities I didn't have in my last apartment, like windows. Windows are awesome! Especially when you haven't had them for a year!!! I also have a stove (!!). Koreans don't really bake so having a stove is huuuuuge! Only two of us on base have stoves, so the other three Conversational English teachers are pretty jealous. It's amazing to be able to make things again. All my friends are jealous and rightfully so.
I also have a bathtub! Granted, when I sit in the bathtub, my knees are hitting my chin, but I am not complaining. It's amazing to take a bath again. I'm also very, very, VERY thankful for my double-sized bed. I had a single bed in my last apartment and I felt like a little kid. Although I really shouldn't complain. When a few of my friends came to Korea, they weren't given beds at all and were just given blankets while their school directors pointed at the floor.
My fellow English teachers on base are my neighbors and it actually feels like I'm back in college and living in a dorm, although we have our own kitchens and bathrooms and we're definitely lacking those pesky Resident Advisors...
I was talking to a friend the other day and he said it was just so nice to see me so chilled out and happy. He said he's never really seen me like that before. Three months ago, he said, I was so stressed out and hating life, but now I'm completely different. I told him now he got to see the real me and to see me happy.
Life is pretty good. I'm excited for the future and I'm glad I made the decision to stay in Korea a little bit longer.

Crazy Train

The last several weeks at the lovely E. Bo Young Talking Club will be time I will fortunately and unfortunately always remember. I've never encountered a bigger whack job in my life.

As per my contract, I'm entitled to a free return flight to my home country. I talked to She Devil about paying for a one-way plane ticket to New Zealand or Australia instead. I wanted to go visit my best friend in New Zealand and my good friends in Australia. The plane ticket would have been cheaper than sending me home, so I figured she would go for it.

Unfortunately I had to tell She Devil that I was going to be working at a different job in Korea, so she knew I was coming back to Korea. Therefore, she got this great idea that she wouldn't have to give me a plane ticket home, because I wasn't actually leaving the country. I told her since it was in my contract, then she was obligated to follow it and give me a plane ticket. She said it wasn't fair to her to have to pay for a ticket if I was coming back to the country. I told her it wasn't fair for me to not get what was stated in my contract when I fulfilled my end of the contract. She didn't see it that way; she just didn't think it was fair to her. I was really proud of myself, I didn't even raise my voice. Yelling got me nowhere with the psycho.

I called the Talking Club headquarters yet again and asked them how I should proceed. They then informed me that because I wasn't leaving the country, She Devil wasn't responsible for paying for a return flight to my home city despite what the contract said. Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't the point of a contract for these exact circumstances? Apparently contracts don't mean as much in Korea as they do in other countries.

I got off the phone and was thankful I was alone. I wanted to hit something so hard it would break and then break my hand. I was furious. I was getting screwed... again... and there was nothing I could do about it short of involving the Korean Labor Board, which would have cost more than it was worth and likely wouldn't have done much anyway.

I really hope Karmic justice is served with a heavy hand.

I tried every angle I could think of: trying to tell She Devil I had changed my mind and wanted to go home, trying to tell her the job was changed and my start date was extended, trying to tell her she was acting illegally and unfairly; nothing was working. At one point, she agreed to pay for the one-way ticket to New Zealand and then when it got closer to me actually finishing the job and needing a release letter so I could transfer my visa to my next place of employment, she backed out and told me she would either pay for the ticket or write the letter. She knew full-well that I needed that letter to transfer my visa, so I was completely stuck and she knew it all along. I've never been so close to lighting someone on fire in my life.

Apparently she had a few conversations with the hogwan owners in the area and they said she should give me enough money to buy a one-way ticket to Japan or purchase the one-way ticket for me. Somehow, they reasoned, that was a fair trade for not buying a return ticket home and writing me the release letter I needed. Umm, that equates to about $250.

I knew I was stuck and, more importantly, she knew I was stuck. I had no choice but to just bend over and get screwed for the 9,000th time.

I opted to take the money instead of the plane ticket, which ended up being a really good choice. The immigration office had to take my passport and alien registration card (which is incredibly frightening) for the visa transfer process and they ended up holding my documents hostage for 3 weeks, which makes any international travel aspirations moot. I couldn't even travel to the DMZ, a trip I had been wanting to take since I got to Korea.

I was tired of fighting. I'd spent a very long, stressful and extremely painful year fighting without any form of victory with this horned, incompetent excuse for a lifeform and I was just tired. I had to give her what she wanted to get what I needed. I was so close to calling it quits and just going home for good, but I wasn't willing to let her beat me entirely. I guess I still got some money out of the deal, albeit not what I deserved.

I Hate Goodbye's

The last couple weeks have been so emotional for so many reasons. On one hand I have the intense desire to commit murder on a daily basis because my boss is literally the puppet of Satan and, on the other hand, I'm so sad to be leaving so many of the kids I've been teaching for the last 12 months.
Many of my students have come up to me with frowns on their faces asking me, "Erika Teacher, why go?" It's breaking my heart. I had two young girls, holding hands, come up to me about two weeks ago and say in unison, "Erika! We are sad!" I ask them why and they respond, "Because you!" and they point angrily and intensely toward the door of the school where I work. "Why you go?" they ask. All I could do was apologize.
Many of my students have been telling me they are so sad and they don't want me to leave.
"We love you Erika Teacher, don't go!" It makes me so sad to leave the majority of them.
Today was my final day at Talking Club and many of the students have been giving me gifts they picked out and wrapped themselves with little cards they took so much time writing, with eraser marks and re-write after re-write.
"I love you, teacher! Thank you for teaching me! We will miss you!" the letters say.
One of my co-teachers, who was also one of my students in my ridiculously-early before the crack of dawn class, organized an entire booklet of cards from all of her students. Each card was written and decorated by each of the students. Then the teacher, Bella, drew little pictures of each student. The last page in the booklet was a letter from her telling me how scared she was initially of taking my morning class because she was self-conscious about her English skills. She went on to say that I made her very comfortable and she appreciated all the help I gave her and she is now much more confident in speaking English.
I burst into tears.
Despite ending the worst job of my life, there are so many things I will miss.