Getting Hitched in Korea

In Korea, a person is not considered an adult until they're married and a person lives with their parents until they get married. While living at home, parents do absolutely everything for their children: cooking, cleaning, paying for everything. I'm still not sure how this actually prepares a person for adulthood, but the Koreans appear to swear by it.
One of my current students doesn't eat unless his wife makes him food. He said his daughter is sick at the moment, so his wife has been busy tending to his sick daughter and therefore, he's missed breakfast. I ask him why he doesn't feed himself. He said he doesn't know how. The man is 34 years old. Bloody hell. What would he do if his mother and wife were not around to take care of his every need?
The marrying age for women is usually 24-28. An unmarried woman over the age of 29 is disastrous and sets up a woman for certain perpetual solitude. However, 29 is considered to be a bad age to get married. Older or more traditional Koreans say bad things happen at the age of 29. According to one of my former students, who had to rush to get married before she turned 29, Koreans who are 29 may lose their money, get in an accident or have bad health, so marriage is discouraged at that age.
I'm constantly asked how old I am. Age is extremely important in this culture. It allows each in the party to see where they stand with each other and how they're supposed to talk to and treat each other. When my students, or someone I'm just meeting, ask how old I am, find out I'm 29 in Western age and 31 in Korean age, they always ask if I'm married. When I tell them I'm not, they gasp and ask why not.
Marriage, more often than not, seems to be a business deal in Korea. Blind date set-ups are the way to meet and get married in Korea. Most married people I've met have met there spouses in this manner. Many of those who meet, get engaged and then married do this entire process within a matter of months, too. It's actually quite remarkable how fast Koreans can pull a wedding together.
Extreme importance is placed on a potential spouses occupation and the status of the persons family. I was told when students are going through school there are posters on the walls of the school telling girls to study hard so they can go to a good university and meet a handsome and successful man, get married and have high prestige. Money is everything, but that's true of most cultures it seems.
Once a woman gets married and gets pregnant, she is automatically expected to quit her job. Women stay home with their children while men go to work. In many cases, men work in different cities from where their family lives. So, frequently, families are together on the weekends and the fathers go back to work during the week.
I had one student recently go on at length about how it's important that he be the head of the household, because that's what the Bible said to do. He said he's in charge and, in the beginning of their marriage, his wife tried to be head of the household, but he showed her the Bible and "the Bible said women need to do what men say." So if she yells, he continued about his wife, she will apologize and say she wants to be more like the women in the Bible.
"I think it's the natural way of things and I will teach my daughters to be like that with their husbands, too," he said.
It took everything in my power to keep my mouth shut.
Another student in that same class said there is a Korean proverb that states: if a woman is allowed to speak her mind than the family will fail.
Ha! Wow.
I think it's pretty safe to say I won't be marrying any Koreans.

Simmer Down, Boys.

I work with four other foreign teachers on base. There is one man, three other female teachers and me. We were recently told we need to be careful how we dress on base. None of us dress inappropriately. We wear shirts covering our shoulders, our boobs are always covered and skirts definitely go past our knees. I would think this would all be considered kosher.
However, one of our Korean co-workers said he knows none of us dress scandalously, but just put ourselves in the shoes of the soldiers. He said just imagine being stuck on a military base for excessive amounts of time and not being able to socialize or interact with women and then we, the Western women, waltz up and it makes the men a little crazy. Haha! Poor little guys.
The Korean co-worker went on to explain that all of us Western teachers are "well-endowed" and Korean men aren't used to being around such, uhhh, voluptousness. Apparently some of the soldiers were marching by when we were walking to school and it caused quite a stir among the boys. There was tripping and rubbernecking, which caused the superiors to get a little ticked off.
We've been told that the wives on base are also having a problem with the way we look. I'm not entirely sure what us Western chicks can do about this. I'm thinking I should duct tape my boobs to my chest and maybe they can tunnel us a passageway from our apartments to the school, so we don't actually have to be seen by anyone.
The usage of toilet paper has increased on base, we were informed. I guess the boys have been spending some quality time with, ahem, themselves. Life in Korea has been oh-so-interesting.
I frequently go running outside on base because I'm not allowed to use the gyms on base because I'm a woman. I run in tank tops because it's bloody hot and humid here. My Korean co-worker asked that I not run during the day and, instead, run at night so as not to cause a ruckus among the soldiers and get them over-excited. I couldn't help but laugh at his request, the ridiculousness of it all is so comical to me. But obviously I will abide, I don't want anymore ogling than I already get and I certainly don't want an even more severe shortage of toilet paper on base.

Best students in the world

I have the best students in the world.

They take care of me when I'm sick; calling me to check on me, driving to the store to buy me medicine and being overall very concerned for my well-being.

They make me laugh on a regular basis and want to hang out as frequently as possible.

I'm, at times, a horrific insomniac and, unfortunately, they can always tell when I haven't slept well the previous evening. They are so concerned for me and offer remedies for my sleep malady. I tell them this is something I've been dealing with forever and I'll be fine. It's always worse when I have something on my mind and need to get through or process something. They don't want to hear any of my excuses.

One of my students recently told me that my heart is in my brain and I feel things deeply and passionately and that's why I can't sleep.
I've had another student email me audio tracks he uses when he can't sleep. Apparently my sleeping habits are of great concern to my students, but it's so sweet that they want so desperately to help me.
I know no matter what my problem I can always contact my former or current students and they will drop everything to help me. It's a very comforting feeling, especially being so far from home.
One student, who is heading to the U.S. for one year, told me that we must keep in touch with each other because when his son is in high school or university (his son is currently 4 years old) he wants his son to meet me and do a homestay with me. He told me he would love me to show his son "My America." He said he believed his son would be well-taken care of and truly shown what is great about America. Awwww! I told him I would love that and I was so excited, then I rattled off all the cool things I would show him and I got really excited. Now I have to wait at least a dozen years for his son to become old enough.


Dinner with some of my students!

 It's impossible to explain the people of Korea and their culture in short blog excerpts, but they truly are beautiful, wonderful, warm people. They want so desperately to help and make one feel welcome and learn about the lives of foreigners. They can be so helpful and the way my Korean friends have explained Korean culture to me makes me truly appreciate their world, of which I've only scratched the surface.

Polar Bear Freedom Party

This particular night happened a long time ago in Korea. It was one of my first nights in South Korea and it was epic.

I had been invited by one of the fellow Dangjinites, one I hadn't actually met yet, to a group night out at the batting cages. There were supposed to be tons of foreign teachers there from not only Dangjin, but other areas in the province, as well.

I didn't know anybody when I got to the meeting place, but everyone was really friendly and, peculiarly, they were all wearing crazy hats. Little did I know, crazy hats are a common theme. Lucky for me, one of the ladies brought some extra bunny ears so I sported those for the night.

I met up with some people I'd met the night before and attempted very poorly to hit super fast baseballs flying at my head and, of course, the consumption of alcohol also began to take place.
A group of three Korean men came over to me and the other women I was talking to and claimed that they were English teachers in one of the local schools. They attempted to impress us with their pseudo-stellar English skills and one guy kept referrring to me as "Jessica" and asking me for my number. I said, "No, my name is Erika." His response, "Ok, Jessica, number so you can come over."
He spent a ridiculous amount of time telling me that his kindergarten-age child would love me and I should come over to his apartment to talk to and play with his son.
"You come to my house, Jessica, so beautiful. Play with my son. My wife will not mind."
"Umm, it's Erika," I say.
"Ok, Jessica, come over."
"Umm, I don't think your wife would like that too much," I say.
"Ok, Jessica, you come over. My wife not home."
"Uhhh, yeah, I don't think so," I respond.
I then tried to escape and hide in the bathroom, but the freak was standing outside the bathroom waiting for me. Luckily one of my friends realized how distressed I was becoming and came to my rescue and finally the guy left, but not until he made sure I knew I was more than welcome at his home to play with his son anytime.
"Jessica, see you soon! Come over!"
There was plenty of testosterone running through the men in the group, as they were all kicking the crap out of the punching bag game, kicking soccer balls and slamming baseballs. All of us girls were enjoying lovely adult beverages.
When the boys finally got bored, we all made our way down to Saeyugi, a local hof, that eventually became named 'Old Faithful' because we always, undoubtedly ended up there.
The hof was pretty busy and then about 20-25 foreigners showed up and took over one side of the hof. More beer was flowing and the Honorable Members of the Dangjin Committee were named. The night began to turn ridiculous as more soju and maekju was consumed. The owner and staff of Saeyugi became less and less impressed with us, especially when one of the girls got on a table and then two of the guys jumped on top of her. Chairs were knocked over, bottles were broken. Good times all around for us, but not so much for the Koreans in the crowd.
There is a giant stuffed polar bear statue at the entrance of Saeyugi and as we were finally paying our bill to move on to the next stop, one of the girls in the group decided it would be a great idea to grab the bear and ran off with it. I was watching her and I knew what she was thinking and it was like the whole thing happened in slow motion. I could tell her brain was targeting the polar bear, processing what it would take to run off with it and then she put the plan into action and off she went with the polar bear out the door and down the stairs. I couldn't do anything but just stand there and awkwardly laugh.
When the rest of us had gotten down to the street she was standing there with the polar bear body in her arms and the poor polar bear's head had fallen off in the scuffle, so the poor polar bear's head was rolling around on the sidewalk. She tried to fix it by slapping the head back on and putting a giant hat on it. Yeah, didn't work, the head just kept rolling off.
The owner of the restaurant was not impressed. And a famous quote occurred following the incident that night, "Shit man, I think that polar bear gave me a rash!"
The polar bear and his head were returned to the livid restaurant owner (the polar bear actually was missing from the restaurant when we finally decided it was safe to return months later, but then finally made an appearance again with his head bolted back on) and we went on to another drinking establishment called Boobi Boobi.

Boobi Boobi in Korea refers to dancing and the way young men and women try to cop a feelski while their dancing. Basically Boobi Boobi is dirty dancing. We got a couple private tables enshrouded in curtains. More alcohol was flowing, the Korean drinking games began and became increasingly louder and a few members of the Honorable Members of the Dangjin Committee began passing out at the table. It was shaping up to be a good night and by this point it was about 5 in the morning.
I had to meet some friends, that were smart enough to go home hours ago, at the bus station at about 7 a.m. to go to Seoul. So naturally I decided around 5:30 a.m. it was probably a good idea to call it a night.

Birth Control Mumbo Jumbo

The issue of reproductive rights and women's sexuality in South Korea is a very interesting subject.

I feel like I say this on pretty much a daily basis, but Korea is such a place of contradictions. Women can buy birth control pills over-the-counter in Korea and it's ridiculously cheap; it's about $6 for a month's supply. However, buying birth control creates such a stigma and looks of complete disgust that Korean women don't purchase the very necessary and beyond-words-helpful drug.

Therefore, birth control pills are not used and the use of condoms in this country is pretty much non-existant from what I've been told. The use of DVD-bangs (movie rooms and "bang" is pronounced "bong" in Korean, although "bang" works quite well in this particular case) are widely used as a nice little home-away-from-home when kids these days go out for a quick date night while still living with mom and dad.

Consequently, the percentage of unplanned pregnancies, according to 1999 statistics, is about 25 percent.

I couldn't find any updated statistics of abortions in South Korea following 1999. According to the Truth and Reconciliation for the Adoption Community of Korea website, as of July 8, 2009 abortion is allowed in South Korea up to 24 weeks of pregnancy only in these cases: sexual assault or incest, if there is a danger to the mother's health, if there is a hereditary disease in the family or a contagious disease, such as AIDs or hepatitis. All other abortions are illegal.

Hmmm, given these facts I would think buying birth control by a young woman or females of certain ages would be a reason to celebrate. These women would be making the conscious decision to not get knocked up and, as far as I'm concerned, that's a damn good decision. I realize the obvious: perhaps people should not be having sex? But we all know that's not ever going to happen no matter who you are or which oppresive environment you live in. If people want to get it on, they're going to find a way to do it. 

I have a friend in Korea who was having some adverse reactions to some birth control she was taking and needed to see a doctor. She asked a Korean woman to go to the doctor with her to try to explain her symptoms to the non-English speaking doctor. When my friend mentioned to the Korean woman that she suspected her medical problems were due to the birth control she was taking the Korean woman completely lost it. She went on a huge rant about how my friend had no business taking birth control and shouldn't be doing something for "some man" and she was disgusted. Keep in mind my friend is in HER FRIGGIN' 30s and has been dating her boyfriend for quite some time and regardless of this information, it's none of the woman's damn business if a woman decides to make the educated decision to be on birth control. Baaaah!

The Korean woman then went on to tell my friend that under no circumstances should she tell the doctor she's on birth control because the doctor will judge her and it will not be a secret, everyone will know that she's on birth control and having sex. Bloody hell! So much for doctor/patient confidentiality.
Unfortunately appearances are everything in this culture, therefore if someone is seen purchasing birth control or condoms violent judgements will be passed to the point of ostracization. It's unfortunate that in an environment where methods of safe sex and birth control are readily available that more men, women, boys and girls are not taught that it's an acceptable way to take care of oneself and lauded for their responsibility.

The Earth is Angry

There have been so many natural disasters lately. I'm convinced there is something to the 2012 end of the world theory.

Perhaps I'm just paying more attention as I've gotten older, but there seems to be a much higher frequency of earthquakes, floods and landslides. Haiti, Australia, New Zealand and now Japan. And then there was the crazy story of birds falling dead from the sky and dead fish floating along lakes and rivers with no plausible explanation. What the hell is going on?
The Earth is angry.
We felt nothing during the Japanese earthquake and we were completely unaffected by the tsunami, however I was anxiously on the phone with my sister and one of my best friends, who both live in Hawaii. I feel pretty damn lucky that I'm pretty well-protected in the peninsula of Korea. And I'm so thankful my sister and my friend and her family were completely unscathed.
I had been planning a trip to Japan just a few days earlier. I had almost booked a ferry to Fukuoka. Aftershocks and fear of radiation poisoning are ongoing and I'm not sure when Japan, if ever, will be back to its' pre-earthquake and tsunami glory days.
One of my co-workers had just returned from taking her GRE in Tokyo within days of the earthquake.
People are still missing and thousands upon thousands have perished from this horrendous natural disaster. It really makes me wonder what's next?
There was some interesting commentary from my students, as well. Most were extremely sympathetic to the Japanese people who died, lost their loved ones and had their entire world turned upside down.
But one student in particular said the Japanese people deserved what happened to them because of what they did to Korea. I understand why there is so much anger toward the Japanese, but I also feel that the people who deserve the anger are no longer with us and innocent people most definitely don't deserve the horrific reality of their lives right now.
I hope the people of Japan can recover and try to rebuild their lives as quickly as possible and know that the rest of the world feels for them, emphathizes with them and is sending nothing but healing and positive thoughts their way.

I'm Not Fat, I'm Just Big Boned!

Sometimes this place does wonders for my ego and sometimes it makes me feel like dirt. One of my students told me that my face was looking thinner. He then told me that I should stay in Korea because then I "would get thin and stay thin."

Thanks, buddy.

I told him that I actually eat much better at home in the States than I do in Korea. My eating habits are pretty atrocious in Korea. I do eat Korean food quite a bit, but not as much as I should. I tend to eat a hell of a lot more salads at home and salads aren't really commonly found in Korea.

My students are convinced that all Americans are obese. Telling them this is not the case falls on deaf ears. Granted, there is a huge percentage of over-weight people in the U.S. and other Western countries, but not everyone lives an unhealthy, sedentary lifestyle.

I often hear, "Oh! Beautiful! Eyes so big!" It's nice to hear the word "beautiful" come out of Koreans mouths when they see me. However, I'm getting quite a complex in this country. I appreciate the kind words, but the "You're too big" comments I really feel could be kept to a minimum. I guess it goes both ways.

Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive and need to just deal with the cultural differences in a more "take it with a grain of salt" manner. I've been here for about a year and a half. I need to just deal with the fact that I'm made larger than Koreans and there's nothing I can do about it.

Perhaps it's time to just accept my "big" body and move on. But that is so much easier said than done, especially when I easily weigh more and am taller than the vast majority of the MEN. At least the light hair and green eyes are a commodity here.