Jeju-rrific!

Wheeeew! It's been forever since I've been able to post any updates on my crazy life in Korea. This whole "no access to a computer" thing is really cramping my style.
This entry is going to be veeeeerrrryyyy long, so hopefully you readers will have a good hour on your hands or you may want to break it up in shifts. :)

Cheers!



My friend, Simon, invited me and our other friend, Ringo, on a hiking trip to Jeju Island. Jeju Island, or Jeju-do, (do, pronounced "doh", is the Korean word for island) is a large island about 62 miles south of the South Korean peninsula. It's about 44 miles long and 25 miles across.
Jeju-do is where many newly-married Koreans spend their honeymoon. It's also known as the Hawaii of Korea.
One can either take a plane to Jeju-do or a ferry. The summer weekends are usually booked solid for transportation to and from Jeju, as are the accomodations. But, lucky for us, we booked just in the nick of time! Woot!
Jeju-do is actually a volcano, which hasn't had a major eruption since 1007, and the highest peak in South Korea calls Jeju home. Halla-san ("san" meaning mountain in Korean) is approximately 6, 400 feet high, or 1,950 meters. I was frothing at the mouth to hike Halla-san and check out Jeju. This was a trip I'd been wanting to take since I made the decision to come to Korea. I was also excited to take the trip with Simon and Ringo, both Kiwis and highly unpredictable and entertaining.
Simon and I live in the northwest region of South Korea, near Seoul, and Ringo lives in the southern region of South Korea, near Busan. So we were going to pick him up along the way.
We had to catch a bus in Seoul at 11:30 p.m. on a Friday and drive down to Mokpo, where we would catch the ferry to Jeju. The bus took about 3 1/2 hours and I couldn't sleep at all. We arrived in Mokpo extremely early in the morning, when the bus driver parked the bus and we all waited for the ferry terminal to open. Still my attempt to sleep was futile.
Eventually the sun came up and we made our way into the ferry terminal and promptly layed down on the benches and attempted some more rest. Eventually Ringo arrived at the terminal and the three of us decided to take a walk around Mokpo.
There really wasn't much to see in Mokpo, so the walk didn't take too long. However, we did have a nice run-in with an ajuma (old Korean woman). She was walking ahead of the three of us, looked around in front and to either side of herself, then looked behind at us, saw us and let a giant and extremely audible fart loose. We all sat there stunned for a split second and then busted up in laughter. Welcome to Mokpo.
We mosied back to the ferry terminal and eventually it was time to board the ferry.
All the Koreans boarding the boat were fully decked out in their hiking gear. The Koreans don't mess around when it comes to purchasing treking attire. They go to special hiking stores and get the special hiking pants and the special hiking shirt and the special hiking sleeves for their forearms so they don't get sunburned, and then they have the special hiking jacket and the special hiking fanny pack, the special hiking hat AAAAANNND the special hiking stick. It's all color-coordinated, of course. It's quite a sight, as I'm sure one can imagine.
I've got my Chaco's, a tank top and quick-dri pants and I'm good to go.
We had a room in the ferry, so almost everyone immediately dropped their packs, laid down and tried to sleep. I did the same, but eventually Simon and Ringo got up and went on an exploratory tour of the ferry. I continued to attempt to sleep and I think I may have gotten about 45 minutes when our Nazi group leader, the Hiking Guru, comes flying into the room, turns on all the lights and announces "it's time for us to eat snacks." Apparently "nap time" is over and "snack time" has commenced.
The Hiking Guru decided to open every single package of food we had in the room with a pocket knife, which was a lot -- about 2 big boxes full -- and spread them all over the floor. At one point, one of the women in the group said, "Umm, Hiking Guru, I think we have enough food right now. You probably don't need to open anymore."
To which he replied, "I just like to cut things."
At this point I decided I'd had enough of snack time and wanted to see what Simon and Ringo were up to.
The boys had been wandering around the ferry and I found them easily enough in the main cafeteria area of the ship. They were headed up to our room when I intercepted them. Ringo handed me a bottle of beer and we ended up sitting down at one of the tables to play a Korean card game and drink until we reached Jeju.
We hit the ground running once we got to the island. We met our bus and our first stop was a lava tube, Man Jang Gul. It's part of the longest lava tube system in the world supposedly. The temperature changed about 10 degrees from the steps entering the cave to the underground tunnel.
There were various layers of lava in the walls of the tube and stalactites hanging from the ceiling of the tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was a large pillar formation that was made when lava poured in from a hole in the roof of the cave. It reminded me of the giant organ in Goonies.
There was a platform made of lava that supposedly looked like a turtle, however I didn't really see the resemblance. I kept hoping to see a bat, but to no avail.
After we left the lava tube we headed to Seongsan il chul bong (Seongsan Sunrise Peak). This is a tuff cone left over from the volcanic activity a long-ass time ago.
We hiked to the top of the peak, which wasn't all that high. I did appreciate the random pseudo convenience stores set up along the trail selling soju. That was a nice touch. Good job, Korea.
It was really foggy. We were told we would be able to see a gigantic crater full of beautiful foliage overlooking the sea once we got to the top. However, I can neither confirm not deny said beautiful landscape exists as we saw nothing but mist. But what a lovely mist it was.
Jeju-do supposedly has wild horses and apparently it's the only place in all of Korea that has horses. Though the only horses I saw were those attached to ropes walking around a ring with little Asian people snapping pictures. Those don't really strike me as "wild" horses, but the Korean tourists sure were enjoying them.
The people of Jeju are awfully artistic and they've carved little men out of the ubiquitous volcanic rock found in abundance all over the island. There's little stone men all over the island called Dolharubang (Stone Grandfather). Supposedly they are for protection for the island. However, I think they look like giant penises. Giant 3-foot-tall penises. So naturally, Ringo, Simon and I performed lewd and lascivious acts upon the poor Grand-stones. Turns out there are only about 40 of the original figures in existance today and we were dry-humping a few of them. Oops.
After we promised to call the Dolharubang, we set off for a waterfall. We first went to an area where we overlooked the waterfall from a temple. Then we walked down to the pool that the waterfall emptied into. By this point I was sweating like a race horse and I desperately wanted to jump into the pool, but unfortunately there were signs outlawing frolicking in the water placed all over the flatform where we were standing and the area surrounding the pool. We were also being watched by Capt. Hiking Guru and he's so excitable there is a distinct possibility he would have had a coronary if I would have broken the rules and jumped in the water. Koreans don't break rules. They don't understand the concept.
From the waterfall, we made our way around the island to the pension we were going to stay in that night. Pensions are basically hostels/backpackers that don't have beds. They come equipped with blankets and pillows and everyone sleeps on the floor. Our pension was overlooking the beach.
When we checked in, Hiking Guru tried to section us off in men's and women's rooms. Koreans have a hard time with the opposite sexes intermingling unless they're married. I immediately cut him off and said, "Nope, I'll sleep in here with my friends," and I plopped my stuff down next to Simon and Ringo's bags. We had three other chicks in our room and the other rooms were filled with both members of the opposite sex. For shame!
It was dinnertime and we made our way down to the front of the pension for a meal of boiled bulgogi and bagels. And, of course, beer and soju. The boys and I had been drinking all day. We started drinking beer on the ferry and then moved on to maekgoli once we got to Jeju.
I remember looking at the supply of beer Hiking Guru brought on the trip and thinking, "There's no way that's going to last through the night."
Sure enough, the supply of alcohol was depleted in no time. When we asked Capt. Hiking Guru where we could buy more, he said "nowhere," everything was closed by 8 p.m. and it was now approaching 10. "It's an island, things close early here," he said.
Ringo looked like he was about to cry. He turned to me and said, "Come with me."
So Ringo and I set off on an alcohol-seeking mission. We soon had a posse, which included Simon and a couple other alcoholics. We stopped at every business-looking building we could find. We came upon a restaurant that was closing, but still had patrons inside. We asked the woman if she had maekju (beer) and soju we could buy from her. We were in luck! We cleaned the woman out and returned to the party victorious!
Capt. Hiking Guru announced that everyone who wanted to hike Halla-san in the morning would need to meet the bus at 3:30 a.m. Simon had already made the decision not to hike Halla-san, but Ringo and I were still toying with the idea of hiking it. That was until we heard what time we would have to wake up in order to hike it. When we heard 3:30 in the morning, we both looked at each other and said, "The hell we are!" and continued drinking.
I've left a crucial element out of the story until now. The boys thought it would be absolutely hilarious to have a competition to see who could show me their testicles the most often and in the most creative ways. Needless to say, I saw way more of Ringo and Simon than I needed to throughout the weekend.
At one point I was sitting on a bench and Ringo came up behind me and said we should take a picture together. As he was positioning the camera in front of us to take the picture, he flipped it around so the LED screen was in front of my face displaying a zoomed-in picture of Simon's balls. I was not impressed.
As the night progressed more and more people continued to head to bed and one unfortunate soul forgot her camera and left it where the rest of us were sitting when she went to bed. Naturally Simon, Ringo and the rest of us still standing gave her a few special photographic mementos to remind her of the trip. It was really more of an anatomy lesson.
I have this affinity for skinny-dipping whenever I'm near the ocean. I don't know what it is. There's just something so pure and natural about the ocean and I have to get down to my most natural state to fully embrace it. So Ringo, Simon, the other guy still standing and I all stripped down and took a dip in the sea and then we finally went to bed.
The next day while everyone else was hiking Halla-san or otherwise exploring the island, Ringo, Simon and I decided to take a trip on a yellow submarine. Simon was obscenely excited about this trip. He was like a little kid, jumping around and squirming with excitement. I wanted to smack him after awhile.
We had to wait for a little while for the submarine tour so the three of us took a look around the bay. We went out to a lighthouse and we were lucky enough to see the Haenyeo.
Haenyeo are women divers who are famous and widely known throughout Jeju-do and Korea. Diving is only a profession for women on the island. They dive all year-round and in the past the divers would wear only loose white cotten clothing and used rope baskets to hold whatever sea-life they caught and gourds as floats.
Nowadays, women wear full-body wetsuits. In the past, the women would make up to 150 dives a year. Now women usually dive only from spring to fall.
Historically when the women dove in the white cotten get-up men were forbidden to look at the women. Divers were anywhere from 30 to well-over 60 years old. The population of the divers is decreasing, but there are still about 5,000 Haenyeo left in Jeju.
I was nervous that the women wouldn't appreciate us taking their picture, but when they passed us in their boat on the way out to find their daily catch, they were all smiles waving and yelling "Annyeong" and "Hello."
Soon enough it was time for the much-anticipated yellow submarine trip. The three of us were the only Waegooks (foreigners) on the trip and we were completely obnoxious. We took a shuttle boat out to the submarine and the three of us were audibly excited about the yellow submarine, clapping, laughing, singing and taking pictures. Ringo and Simon spotted a Japanese girl who then became the object of their affection and they spent the shuttle trip (and the subsequent submarine trip) trying to get her attention and her photograph.
I don't have the strongest stomach and the strong waves were becoming an issue. I'm sure the consumption of maekju and soju the previous evening were not helping matters, but I started feeling quesy -- really quesy.
We got down into the submarine and the waves had become 10 times more powerful. The saliva was increasing. I was sweating like an ape. It wasn't a matter of "if" I was going to puke, but a matter of "when."
Ringo and Simon took the opportunity to snap copious photos of me about ready to vomit. Assholes.
Once we got below the surface, the waves were no more and I felt better. I thought I might actually make it out of the yellow tomb of death without puking. I was able to momentarily enjoy myself.
We saw many beautiful fish and stunning coral, of which the highly eco-conscious and licensed submarine driver kept smacking into irreparably damaging for centuries. They even employed a guy to dive into the water and capture baby rays to stick on the porthole windows for our viewing pleasure. Of course I took pictures!
The waves of nausea came back in full force and in between the boys volleying back and forth between laughing at me, viewing the beautiful fishies and checking out the Japanese chickee I was trying to swallow back the inevitable.
I will be forever grateful to the Jeju Submarine Tour Company for providing little white plastic puke bags. They saved me from even more embarrassment. Luckily all I had in my stomach was pear soda, that's easy to throw up.
This was endless entertainment for the boys who spent the next several minutes snapping photos of me chundering into a plastic bag. At one point I thought Ringo was actually trying to be nice. He was rubbing my back and asking if I was OK. Turns out he was recording me on video. Assholes.
Luckily the vomit stopped and soon so did the submarine tour. Before we surfaced, one of the Korean women on the sub turned to me and said, "You! Number 1!" Both Ringo and Simon threw their arms up in the air and exclaimed, "Yeah! Number One!"
The Korean lady said, "Off! You Number One off!!!"
She was telling me to get off the submarine first. Hahahaha!
She blocked everyone else from getting off the sub first and made sure I got off first and then she followed me onto the shuttle boat and made sure I sat down and then she got me some water. It was very sweet actually.
I attempted to sit inside the shuttle boat, but after about 30 seconds, I realized that was a pretty bad idea. I headed up to the open air of the top deck and tried desperately to focus on a stationary object on the horizon. It worked for a half-second, but then I started puking once again into another bag. Awesome.
Thankfully the shuttle was swift and I bee-lined off the boat for stable ground.
The remainder of the day was pretty uneventful. We headed back to the pension where I promptly took a spot on the floor and tried to forget the fact that I just chundered in front of an entire submarine full of strangers -- and had it videotaped.
We had to wait around for the part of the group that actually hiked Halla-san before we could head home. Eventually they arrived and we all piled onto the wretched smelling bus and headed back to the ferry terminal.
We got to the terminal and it was absolute mayhem. All the ferries were booked and all flights off Jeju were cancelled. There was an impassable and lingering fog that was making air travel impossible. Thankfully our ferry tickets were pre-booked.
There were hundreds of bodies everywhere, all over the ferry terminal lobby. Lines for the ticket window were stretching outside and the ticket window attendants were screaming something incomprehensible into loudspeakers. I, of course, had no idea what they were saying, but assumed it was something along the lines of, "Good luck you sorry bastards. There is no way you're getting home tonight. Have fun explaining this to your bosses. You will likely be tortured with chopsticks and honor-killed during the next morning meeting." Or something along those lines.
Honestly, I wouldn't doubt it if that actually happened to a few people. Korean employers are a little intense and work is just not missed, no matter what the circumstances. One of my friends worked with a guy who's wife had a miscarriage. He was at work that morning and only asked to take the afternoon off to be with his wife. When I say Korean bosses are intense, it's not an exaggeration.
We stood, sat and laid around the ferry terminal for about an hour and a half and then finally it was time to go. People were pushing us to try to get ahead, people were cutting in line and standing all over everyone else to try to get on the ferry. It was like the island was going to blow up and this was their last chance of survival. We had to go through the gate single-file because we were being squished by hordes of people from every side. At one point, Capt. Hiking Guru almost came to blows with a man that jumped into line and cut the rest of us off from getting on the ferry. Thankfully he had a pocketknife... I was glad their were little Korean police officers there, but I'm not actually sure if they could have done much.
Once we finally got on the ferry, there were about three times as many people in our room and the ferry employees told us we were weren't allowed to lay down or extend our legs. Ummm, yup, luckily I can pull the foreigner card and honestly say I had no idea was he was talking about.
There were so many people in our room and all the Koreans were playing card games and drinking shots of soju. We were getting the stink-eye from them because we had the audacity to lay down or (gasp!) extend our legs in front of us!!! It was quite a great trip home. Luckily the more soju the Korean passengers drank the more they lightened up and didn't care so much what we were doing. Soju just brings people together; it seems to be a great equalizer.