In Korea, a person is not considered an adult until they're married and a person lives with their parents until they get married. While living at home, parents do absolutely everything for their children: cooking, cleaning, paying for everything. I'm still not sure how this actually prepares a person for adulthood, but the Koreans appear to swear by it.
One of my current students doesn't eat unless his wife makes him food. He said his daughter is sick at the moment, so his wife has been busy tending to his sick daughter and therefore, he's missed breakfast. I ask him why he doesn't feed himself. He said he doesn't know how. The man is 34 years old. Bloody hell. What would he do if his mother and wife were not around to take care of his every need?
The marrying age for women is usually 24-28. An unmarried woman over the age of 29 is disastrous and sets up a woman for certain perpetual solitude. However, 29 is considered to be a bad age to get married. Older or more traditional Koreans say bad things happen at the age of 29. According to one of my former students, who had to rush to get married before she turned 29, Koreans who are 29 may lose their money, get in an accident or have bad health, so marriage is discouraged at that age.
I'm constantly asked how old I am. Age is extremely important in this culture. It allows each in the party to see where they stand with each other and how they're supposed to talk to and treat each other. When my students, or someone I'm just meeting, ask how old I am, find out I'm 29 in Western age and 31 in Korean age, they always ask if I'm married. When I tell them I'm not, they gasp and ask why not.
Marriage, more often than not, seems to be a business deal in Korea. Blind date set-ups are the way to meet and get married in Korea. Most married people I've met have met there spouses in this manner. Many of those who meet, get engaged and then married do this entire process within a matter of months, too. It's actually quite remarkable how fast Koreans can pull a wedding together.
Extreme importance is placed on a potential spouses occupation and the status of the persons family. I was told when students are going through school there are posters on the walls of the school telling girls to study hard so they can go to a good university and meet a handsome and successful man, get married and have high prestige. Money is everything, but that's true of most cultures it seems.
Once a woman gets married and gets pregnant, she is automatically expected to quit her job. Women stay home with their children while men go to work. In many cases, men work in different cities from where their family lives. So, frequently, families are together on the weekends and the fathers go back to work during the week.
I had one student recently go on at length about how it's important that he be the head of the household, because that's what the Bible said to do. He said he's in charge and, in the beginning of their marriage, his wife tried to be head of the household, but he showed her the Bible and "the Bible said women need to do what men say." So if she yells, he continued about his wife, she will apologize and say she wants to be more like the women in the Bible.
"I think it's the natural way of things and I will teach my daughters to be like that with their husbands, too," he said.
It took everything in my power to keep my mouth shut.
Another student in that same class said there is a Korean proverb that states: if a woman is allowed to speak her mind than the family will fail.
Ha! Wow.
I think it's pretty safe to say I won't be marrying any Koreans.
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